Foolish Prayer

There is no earthly indication that some of my prayers will be answered. It’s something I’ve had to face eye-to-eye in recent weeks, and I can sense a waning hope in people who’ve been praying with me too.

It makes me realize how dependent I’ve been on the outlook of others. Hearing someone say “I have hope” is a shot in the arm — a flash of light in an otherwise dim room. I feel less insane for continuing to pray when I hear that.

But now I’m hearing those words less frequently. The room’s getting darker and I’m being made to ask how much of my hope was really just borrowed from others. I’m also wondering if I’m an idiot to keep pleading with God when there’s every reason to believe I’m gonna lose.

I think the answer is yes — I am an idiot. A stubborn, foolish idiot. But some of what Paul says makes me feel better about it. 

Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

- 1 Corinthians 1:20-25

And later: 

But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.

- 1 Corinthians 1:27

The whole Christian shtick, by design, is nonsense to anyone else looking in. God is backward in how He uses silly means to accomplish holy purposes. Among many things, it’s a check against our self-determined arrogance: 

God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

- 1 Corinthians 1:28-29

Even with dwindling hope, if I believe in any of this stuff, there is no sensible reason to stop praying. Not when every empirical fact stands against me, or even if everyone I trust breaks under the pressure of impossible chances. 

If those prayers are answered, He’ll be glorified. If not, I will glorify Him anyway, forcing myself to believe that any loss in this world only amplifies His victory leading into the next. 

May all who seek you
    rejoice and be glad in you!
May those who love your salvation
    say evermore, “God is great!”
But I am poor and needy;
    hasten to me, O God!
You are my help and my deliverer;
    O Lord, do not delay!

- Psalm 70:4-5